but i don't so much miss the smelliness

I find myself wanting to smoke again. This is common for me though, which is why I’ve never claimed to have “quit” smoking even though I will go months without touching a cigarette. Then, occasionally, and usually involving alcohol or an event that I can convince myself counts as a “special occasion”, I will succumb to my desire and have one or two. This urge sometimes feels like a slightly uncomfortable and lonely pain similar to that felt when watching “Outside Providence” for the first time. Which is where I find myself at times as I’m not a “healed quitter” and I’m not committed enough to be part of the smokers group. My non-smoking friends hate that I smoke, albeit only on occasion now, and my smoking friends don’t get why I don’t just “choose a side”. I feel like SJP in Square Pegs, never quite knowing which clique I really fall into.

As I sat on my patio taking in the gorgeous view of the DSW sign (?) and finishing one of my new favorite books (and wondering how it is I happen to relate so well to a thirty something guy from North Dakota, who calls New York his ‘hood and gets to *gasp* write about pop culture and music for a living), I wanted so badly to enjoy a vitamin infused cigarette while enjoying my latest junk food for the soul. I agree with my fav musician when he describes the meditative factor of smoking. “I believe cigarettes are packed with vitamins and minerals!” Well, I wouldn’t go that far my favorite cigarette smokin’ man, but as I spoke with him last Tuesday, I was in fact enjoying a cigarette of my own. That’s it really. I don’t see myself running to Costco and buying multiple cartons again or anything like that. Just a temporary craving that comes and goes from time to time.

On another note, we had a great visit with my sister over the weekend and enjoyed all the things Clark and I love including, but not limited to, visiting all 4 of our favorite restaurants and shopping. With Clark and Jenn together, of course, there would be shopping. The only thing missing from this weekend was a concert. But with three more scheduled for this month, I’ll get my fix. Much love to my darling sister and doesn’t it feel good to know we’ll see each other again in a few short months?!

ps…Lana’s emails are the best and I wish she would start a blog… :-)